Every night that I have spent in this house since we put Missy to sleep has been so painful and terrible. I still get excited about coming home and seeing her when I’m out. I still look for her when I get home. Every night when I try to go to sleep, her absence becomes even louder. She isn’t at the foot of my bed going to sleep by me and she never will be again. I hate being in this house. I want to spend time with my Dad, but being here without her hurts so much. My heart is broken. I know things will eventually get easier, but right now this is all incredibly hard. I miss my baby girl. I miss her kisses and her faithfully alerting me that it was time to take her outside every night at 10pm. I miss her wagging tail, her enthusiastic greetings, and her smiles. I miss hearing the click of little nails on the hardwood floor and the scratching of paws on my bedroom door. I miss her begging, her barking, and her playing. I miss her presence and I miss her love. I miss the feeling of comfort and security that I got when I reached across my bed to pet her as I fell asleep. I miss her digging in the backyard and protecting us from UPS and the garbage truck. I miss how excited she would get when I had a treat. I miss my companion, my dog, my family member. You don’t spend that much time with another living being or that many nights sleeping in the same bed and feeling comforted by another’s very presence without developing some serious attachments. She was not just a dog. My reaction is not overboard. I have suffered the loss of someone I loved very much. There is no warm body curled up against my leg, no little wet nose pressed against my hand in an attempt to get a treat, no spinning and barking. It hurts so much more than I even know how to describe.
Edit: I originally posted this as password protected and didn’t give anyone the password. 2 1/2 months later, the pain is still very real and very awful. Fortunately, it has gotten quite a bit easier. Now that I am not sobbing every time I walk into my house, I feel a little better about sharing these feelings with those who are interested.