mental health

One Good Day

Today was such a good day.  I slept in until noon because I stayed up too late last night, but lately that has become the exception rather than the rule.  For the past several months, I’ve been going to sleep around midnight and waking up around 1PM.  Since I started a new medication, I’ve been going to sleep by 11 or 12 and waking up between 8 and 10.  I think some people who don’t have mental illnesses don’t realize how fortunate they are.  Today was a good day because I’m sleeping well, my thoughts are clear, I’m not having to nap during the day, I’m writing more, I feel productive, I have more energy to play with River, and I don’t feel hopeless or useless or suicidal.  I also don’t feel like I’m slipping into mania.  My speech is normal, my spending is normal, I’m not having any delusions or hallucinations, and I’m able to focus.  I don’t have a million thoughts competing for attention at lightning speed in my head.  I don’t feel like there are bugs crawling all over me.  I am cautiously optimistic that we have finally finally FINALLY found a medication combination that will work for me.  For the time being at least.  I never anticipated that that medication combination would include a stimulant, but here we are.  I had a whole day without breakthrough bipolar symptoms and that is definitely something to celebrate about since it hasn’t happened in about nine months.  If you are mentally healthy, please be grateful.  If you are physically healthy, please be grateful.  I am very aware that a few good days do not a well person make, but I have a kind of fragile hope that this is at least a good sign.  Even if I wake up tomorrow and have symptoms, I can be grateful that I had this one good day.

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