Random Life Things

Self-Rescuing Princess

A friend of mine told me about a short story he was working on and it immediately made me think of the song “Little Me” by Little Mix.  If you don’t have the time to watch the video, here are the lyrics:

She lives in the shadow of a lonely girl
Voice so quiet you don’t hear a word
Always talking but she can’t be heard
You can see her there if you catch her eye

I know she’s brave but it’s trapped inside
Scared to talk but she don’t know why

Wish I knew back then
What I know now
Wish I could somehow go back in time
And maybe listen to my own advice

I’d tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out
Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder
Tell her she’s beautiful, wonderful
Everything she doesn’t see
You gotta speak up, you got to shout out
And you know that right here, right now
You can be beautiful, wonderful
Anything you want to be
(Little me)

Yeah you got a lot of time to act your age
You can’t write a book from a single page
Hands on the clock only turn one way, yeah yeah yeah
Run too fast and you risk it all
Can’t be afraid to take a fall
Felt so big but you look so small

Wish I knew back then
What I know now
Wish I could somehow go back in time
And maybe listen to my own advice

I’d tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out
Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder
Tell her she’s beautiful, wonderful
Everything she doesn’t see
You gotta speak up, you got to shout out
And you know that right here, right now
You can be beautiful, wonderful
Anything you want to be
(Oh, little me)

(Little me yeah)
Tell you one thing I would say to her

I’d tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out
Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder
Tell her she’s beautiful, wonderful
Everything she doesn’t see
You gotta speak up, you got to shout out
And you know that right here, right now
You can be beautiful, wonderful
Anything you want to be
I’d tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out
Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder
Tell her she’s beautiful, wonderful
Everything she doesn’t see
You gotta speak up, you got to shout out
And you know that right here, right now
You can be beautiful, wonderful
Anything you want to be

Yeah, little me

As I was trying to decide what to write about today, I was listening to Little Mix and remembered the conversation about my friend’s short story.  I decided that I would write something to Little Me:

People will try to make you feel small.  Don’t let them.
People will try to make you feel like you take up too much space, like you use too many words, like your feelings don’t matter as much as theirs.  This is bullshit.  You are no more or less important than anyone else.  Your thoughts and feelings and opinions and dreams matter just as much as the next person’s.

He will use words dripping in honey to make you stay in what became toxic a long time ago.  He will make you feel stupid, insecure, and crazy.  Leave the second you don’t feel happy anymore.  Leave before he cheats.  Leave before he gaslights you.  Leave before you let him ruin your self-esteem with cruel words and lies.  If you don’t, it will take years to recover, but you will- in fact- recover.

People will tell you you’re a good writer.  Believe them, even on days when you’re struggling to come up with what to put on the page.  Believe them, even when you feel like you aren’t producing your best work.  You probably won’t believe this, but you will have bylines one day in a local women’s magazine.  You will write blog posts for important organizations.  You will write blog posts of your own that will help other people.  Ed Sheeran says that writing songs is like turning on a tap in an old house and I think the same goes for writing other things as well.  When you first turn on the tap, the water may be brown and gross and undrinkable, but the clear cool water will come with time.  The first things you write will not be the best, but better things will come to you.

You’re going to feel like you want to die from time to time.  The feeling will pass.  I promise.  Sometimes it takes longer than others, but you always end up happy to still be alive when the dark cloud finally moves.

One day you will read the words:
“darling, you are worthy.”
“darling, you are worthy.”
“darling, you are worthy.”
“darling, you are worthy.”

in a book by Amanda Lovelace.  You think you hate poetry, but you don’t, you secretly love it.  It awakens a fire within you that you didn’t know was there.  When you read these words, you will finally believe them.  You will be 29 years old.

It will take time, but you won’t hate yourself or your body forever.  You’ll come to a place where you start to accept and love every flaw and imperfection.  You will use this to set a good example for young people around you by not constantly critiquing yourself in front of them.

Your parents will tell you to absolutely NOT get the dog.  They will say no.  They will say you can’t.  They will give you a million reasons why not to get the dog.  Get the dog anyway.  She becomes so much more than a pet.  Best. Manic. Purchase. EVER.

It’s ok to need help and it’s ok to ask for help.  You learned this already, back in 7th grade, when you reached out and Beth got you the help you needed, but sometimes you will forget.  Sometimes you will feel unworthy of help and like your problems do not matter.  That is your brain being mean and isn’t reality.

Your dream job isn’t going to work out the way you want or expect it to, but it will work out the way it needs to.  It will feel like the end of the world, but I swear you will make new dreams.

You will make new friends and lose old friends.  You will reconnect with some people and lose others forever.  You think the end of high school is the end of everything because you’ll all be going your separate ways.  You aren’t wrong, but you aren’t completely right either because you haven’t even met your best friend yet.  The people who are meant to be in your life always find a way back into it.

You will get to travel the world with your best friend.  Oh, the places you’ll go!  You’ll put your toes in oceans across the world and eat ALL of the soft serve ice cream together.  You’ll see historical places and witness history being made.  You’ll march for what you believe in in Washington, D.C. and in Asheville and you’ll also spend hours in sweatpants or yoga pants just watching tv together.  You will have tea at the Ritz in London and at the Plaza in New York.  You’ll eat breakfast at Tiffany’s and have freshly squeezed juice at a market in London and eat ice cream at Edinburgh Castle.  You’ll see plays on the West End and on Broadway.  You’ll witness each other’s heartbreaks and healings and will be so much better for it.

One of your idols will die and the world will feel smaller and darker for a long time.  You’ll re-read all of her memoirs and eventually read her novels.  You didn’t get into Star Wars until college, but Carrie Fisher will have an impact on your life forever.

You’ll feel like giving up a million times, but you will always hold on to a spark of hope or find someone to hold the hope for you until you can find it again.

You are brave and strong and fierce and beautiful and intelligent and worthy and anyone who tells you or makes you feel otherwise is a liar.

You’ll be single for longer than you thought possible, but during that time you will learn to love yourself and you’ll heal from the ways you’ve been hurt in the past.

You will keep going, even when you feel like giving up.

You will learn better and will then do better.  You will become a person that you can be proud of.

You will forget all of your accomplishments during your dark moments, so make a list of them and read it when necessary.

You are not a failure.

You are not a waste of space.

You are an activist, an advocate, a writer, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a niece, a cousin, a granddaughter, and so much more.

You are worthy.

You are loved.

You are important.

You are a self-rescuing princess.